In surveys where divorced people are asked why they split, Doherty says “soft reasons” are rising. He defines soft reasons as “that loving feeling isn’t there; the sex isn’t good; we see life so differently; we argue but never get anywhere.”
Hard reasons include physical abuse, chronic infidelity, drug or gambling addiction, and the sort of major lying that amounts to conning your spouse. Doherty says no one should divorce over soft reasons. With hard ones, if the spouse can’t or won’t change, “then the way I see it, people can behave so badly that they lose their claim on your commitment to them.”
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